Stop the ride, I want to get off.
I am writing this whilst sitting on the bathroom floor. I feel lightheaded and sick. I am doing breathing exercises, but I feel as if I am made of lead and can’t stand up, or I’ll faint. I’ve just got out of the bath and now this. It’s just so unfair.
This happened last time at about 24/25 weeks. Not now. Please, I can’t do this as well.
I can’t call out as I’ll wake the Boy. Mum is hard of hearing with the TV on downstairs. She wouldn’t hear me anyway. I have to try to go downstairs but I can’t crawl because I’ll be sick.
I can’t even dress myself. I’m a grown woman of thirty for heavens’ sake. My pelvic floor isn’t what it used to be either, so I’m back to wearing nappies like the Boy, because each time I am sick, my pelvic floor gives way, and my bladder leaks.
It’s so humiliating. In 2007 I was invincible, everything went my way- nothing could stop me. 2008 was the year of being pregnant and learning about my physical limits. 2009 and 2010 took me to the limits of my mental health (currently taking former employers to tribunal for sex discrimination) 2011? This feels like it’s going to be the year that breaks me.