Humiliation

What a crappy start to the day. My darling boy (who usually sleeps in until 8.30 or 9am) decided to wake me up at 7.30m today. The immediate result of such a loss of sleep was for me to throw up as soon as I got downstairs.

It was only then that I realised that I had forgotten to put the usual Tena Lady mattress in place overnight. I’ve spent the past 2 days coughing relentlessly, which has weakened my poor pelvic floor considerably.

One heave proved all too much for my pelvic floor, and I just wet myself. This hasn’t happened in about 28 years.

I made it upstairs to the toilet to finish my heaving session (the joy of being on anti-emetics means that you can heave all you like, but nothing (or at least very little) actually leaves your stomach) in between sobs. It’s just so humiliating. Then my poor toddler thought this was all a bit much, so started howling too.

Naked from the waist down, holding hands with a sobbing toddler, whilst sat on the loo, heaving into a basin (I am SO glad that I designed the bathroom like that- it’s very useful, and I’m waiting for the first bout of d&v to hit the household so I can test it properly) and crying myself is NOT the way I envisaged starting my Tuesday.

Someone who knows a lot about bladder control issues post-childbirth is the marvellous writer of the whenyouarethatwoman blog. She writes about lots of other things, but is also willing to tell the bitter, unpalatable truth about the damage that can be done in childbirth and pregnancy, and the misery of life afterwards, without making you feel like you are the only person on the earth with this problem. And for that, I shall be forever grateful.

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About therubbishpregno

30-something Mum to a toddler. I am pregnant, and I am rubbish at it. My body doesn't seem to be able to cope with daily life as well as pregnancy, so I have had to put my life on hold while I grow another person...
This entry was posted in Birth, Hyperemesis, Pregnancy. Bookmark the permalink.

8 Responses to Humiliation

  1. Rachael says:

    Eugh, its so grim. Heaps of sympathy xx

  2. Elizabeth says:

    yuck. I just hope one day the fug of pregnancy awfulness lifts for you. many gentle hugs to you.

  3. Flaf says:

    Bah, it’s fecking awful. Isn’t it? Been there, seen it, done the laundry. Mwah xxx

  4. I agree its awful – been there, done it, hated every moment…

    Not sure it helps at this stage but the phsyio I saw to help with the nerve damage after Littler has done wonders and I’m in a LOT better shape after 2nd pregnancy than I was after the 1st

  5. Lucy says:

    Brave post. I am trying to build up the courage to post more about incontinence in pregnancy and post birth. Rank.

    • Lucy, if you wanted to do a guest post here instead of over at yours, I’d gladly put it up and publicise it. It’s an issue that I think is very important for people to know about, and one which is becoming ever closer to home. I have no reason to believe otherwise but it seems that mine is pregnancy-related and reasonably temporary. God forbid it become more permanent.

      It’s degrading, humiliating, and a huge generator of yet more misery. And it’s such a taboo. It’s just not talked about. Ever. And it should be. So as much as we had #nostigma (and I agree with everything you wrote about that ) there should be the same idea attached to this too. Big hugs. What I’ve got right now is the tip of the iceberg. I cannot imagine the scale of the whole thing for those who suffer more than I.

      • Lucy says:

        Oooh, I only just saw this therubbishpregno. I’d love to guest blog – will come up with some ideas. Can I email you through your profile on here?

        It is what I struggle with most, the same issues as with #nostigma in that, part of me wants to be totally upfront and ‘am I bovvered’ in the way I would about tonsillitis, say, or a sprained ankle, but the other part of me is still sometimes completely floored by a potential puddle and I feel protective of her too (the bit of me which feels like crawling off to hide).

        Lucy

  6. If you look on the page “also crap at pregnancy https://crapatpregnancy.wordpress.com/also-crap-at-pregnancy/

    There is an email address for this blog that I shall pick up if you want to send anything.

    It would be an honour to have you kick off the guest blogging slot 🙂

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