I’ve been waiting for a meaningful milestone for a while now. And here one is.
19+2 is halfway to 38+3. Which is when the small, snoring object in the bed next to this one was evicted from my uterus. So I have now made it to 50% of the amount of time I was pregnant for last time. This feels more tangible than the arbitrary 1st/2nd trimester thing. This is a known quantity.
Last time I was pregnant, I did hypnobirthing. It was really a tremendous help back then, even though I didn’t get to labour naturally because I was induced for Obstetric Cholestasis at 38 weeks. I’ve started to listen to the rainbow relaxation track again these past fee days, but I don’t seem to be very relaxed by it. I’ve developed a sort of “block” about being relaxed about the birth. It’s like this little voice goes off saying “pah! This didn’t work last time!” and just shuts down the relaxation bit of my brain to override it. Last time it was all about getting over the fear of the unknown. This time it’s about getting over the fear of known quantities, of which I now have personal experience. It’s so much harder to unpick.
Bean is awake now. I am about to not be.